Timothy McGee in reality
by TheScottishRose
Summary: These are the thoughts that go through a person's mind upon hearing the name of Timothy McGee. No one really thinks too long on the subject, and they only let themselves judge based on the opinion that was first formed within their first three minutes of meeting him. Short and sad, trigger warnings of self harm mentions.


_**This is short, sorry. Trigger warnings are for mention of self harm.**_

 _ **I do not own NCIS or it's characters**_

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These are the thoughts of society:

Timothy McGee is strong. Timothy McGee is determined. Timothy McGee is naive. Timothy McGee is a sweet, caring person. And that's all they'll ever think of him.

These are the thoughts that go through a person's mind upon hearing the name of Timothy McGee. No one really thinks too long on the subject, and they only let themselves judge based on the opinion that was first formed within their first three minutes of meeting him. They simply can not seem to spare the mental capacity it would take to add to their assessment. Then again, they probably don't think that he is important enough to spare the time for either.

These are the thoughts of coworkers:

Timothy McGee is smart. Timothy McGee is dependable. Timothy McGee is kind. Timothy McGee would do anything for those he cares for. That's all they'll ever know.

These are the thoughts of people that think they've come to know Timothy McGee. They don't dig deeper unless necessary, and they are painfully unaware of how good he is at hiding things. They all think they know who he is, working alongside him, seeing him day after day. People don't bother to try to further conversation with him unless it is for personal gain. To these people Timothy McGee is like a rock, he is always there, unshakeable. But at the same time they assume that there is nothing beneath a cool surface, that his insides are the same dull color as the skin he wears in their eyes.

This is reality:

Timothy McGee has scars on his body, and these scars were not accidents. Timothy McGee was made ashamed of his mind by idiots who knew nothing during school, he is still ashamed. Timothy McGee wrote a book using sketches of his friends as a testimony of how he respects them, and they put him down for holding them on shining pedestals. Timothy McGee needs more than just a few adjectives and examples to be explained.

That this the truth. Timothy McGee needed a way to control some part of his life. He was told off, put down, he was constantly being uprooted and replanted wherever was convenient for the United States Navy. He wanted some control so he took to making scars that were always red against his pale skin. Timothy McGee wanted to honor his friends without doing something wrong, but like always it backlashed and that hurt. It hurt a lot when he was denied individuality after trying to do _something_ right. This man is human, not a few thoughts in a head.

This man is hurt inside and wants help. This man is so unknown to the people that consider themselves his friends it is heartbreaking. Somehow someone failed to mention the scar on his chest from when he shoved one of his mother's sewing pins in there because he thought that maybe it could break the numb feeling tingling through him. The numbness lived on, it still reapers sometimes. Timothy McGee was born wanting to die, but he made it this far.

Timothy McGee only ever wanted to do good. To do this for himself, his family, and the world. This man has made it this far and has done good, he has saved lives, stopped criminals in their path, and still he never feels like it's enough. Everything and anything, it is never enough. It should have been enough, because in reality outside of his mind it was.

Timothy McGee got lost in a shell he made to hide his hurt. Now this is who Timothy McGee is, a shell. He still knows himself as this man though, because despite previous words he still is. Only now, bits of him have been lost, pieces of him have changed. There never was a different man in this mind, the man has only changed.

Most of all, Timothy McGee is Timothy McGee, and his name should not define him.

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 _ **Please never put a sewing pin in your chest. Self harm is an**_ ** _addiction, but it can be overcome._**


End file.
